Every arrival of thoughts of your absence makes me realize that I feel so uninspired. Since you've been taking your own steps away from me, I have tended to lament the present. I wonder when I will be strong afresh to beat this nostalgia contesting my emotions every night before I retire to bed. This is slaying me. I just resort to listening to songs while I lie to console myself amidst the enveloping darkness. These are songs which attract the memories of the past, and the present sobs with the sensation they bring.
The nights seem to last a hundred years, and dreams of you oftentimes visit me. Because my desperate longing for you never wanes, I can hardly stop entertaining the notions of going back to the times when you talk, personally or via phone, and believe you are never mine. You never were.
There must be a melody that illuminates the darkness around. With the right tone and pitch, the melody has to embrace my body deprived of warmth. It is my fortress when the ghosts of the frustrating dreams, which I long detest, comes back. It is my shield against the nocturnal assaults of the hostile pain.
"'cause there is no guarantee that this life is easy."
Life is not secure to love's perils because love is both a friend and a nemesis to everybody like me. I want to see you. I crave your presence. I need you beside me to resurrect me from this nearly perpetual heartache. When I look at your photos, I barely know which means of emancipating myself I can do. I still find solace from them, anyway. Whether there is a "you" or not, I am constantly preoccupied by your thoughts and rendered too numb not to notice how the world does. Life is not to blame for my incomparable stupidity. I loved you; I love you; I will always love you. "I should let go of you," is what my mind cries at all times, but my heart rebels and tells me to "stay the same." Oh, my heart is an unruly renegade! This isn't so easy. You are my sweetest malady and the most bitter cure to me. I love you without your knowledge. You unknowingly ensnared me. It is not easy.
"Yeah, when my world is falling apart, and there's no light to break up the dark, that's when I look at you."
I still don't know how I obtain strength from looking at you. In the midst of an interminable dimness, I find light from a gaze of you. You are the most brilliant star of my sky, which serves as the beacon to aid this kind of blindness. In times I feel shrouded by uproarious murmurs and excruciating caresses of sorrow, there is one thing that keeps me standing tall. It is turning my eyes on you. I want to hold you eternally. I want to hear you whisper the most sweetly pronounced words I will have ever heard. I long for your warm arms to embrace me and cover me from this boundless cold I feel.
Make me feel the best sensation I could never experience with another. Render me ignited and alleviate the pain I feel in this very moment. Put me into fire of your burning love for me and help me escape this frigid feeling I have, derived from being all alone. Perhaps they won't happen, but they are my pleas I just want you to be aware of. With just your enduring presence, you simply fulfill me with awe and glee. Honestly, it hurts and kills, but I have to content myself in eying you. It is the simplest salve only you can give me.
You are the sun that paves the way when I am led astray by this tender sorrow of mine. When turmoils invade my bewildered mind just like waves that flood the shore, I suddenly look at the face of the person who has completely captured me. You. I try to grasp at your hand. I try to find power from you to revive my cadaver-like body from the melancholy, which enslaved me during the worst of my solitary moments. I love you despite the shortcomings of truth. I love you despite the extreme brevity of time. I love you despite the wrath of fate towards me. I love you despite every tempest and flaw of life. In my world full of emptiness and pain, you are the saving grace.
You are a scenario taking place every night I shut my teary eyes and fall into a feeling of temporary numbness. The surreal pictures of us together holding hands appear in the middle of the deep madness during my sleep. We are holding hands through a very road elongated by destiny to pave way for a long walk for us. We are paying each other looks directed to each other's longing eyes. We are embracing as the gusts of the wind penetrate our souls. We are uttering eager promises to each other and will hold on until eternity.
Then the new morn arrives. I unexpectedly dilate my shut eyes to see the most bitter truth. The scenes are meant for vainly waiting. Finding it hard to believe, I know that the outburst of tears are suddenly yet to come, and I will drown for hours. I , then, will halt the flow of tears and widely open my eyes to the truth. You are just a bittersweet dream; furthermore, the idea that you reciprocate my love for you is just an abysmal reverie...
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